How to keep financial stress from killing your marriage
Financial stress can kill a marriage. Arguing, blaming and bitterness are the eventual result of a married couple not in agreement on their spending and financial priorities. In this blog post we share the skills we learned to avoid this trap allowing us to organize our finances to achieve a stress-free financial life.
If financial stress is killing your marriage there is hope! It doesn’t have to be that way. In fact; learning to work together on your finances can not only relieve money stress, it can bring you closer in many other areas as well. Overall marital satisfaction is improved when you learn how to handle money together.
1. Get on the same page and work together.
Discuss your goals and dreams together
Communicating about money is the first step toward minimizing the financial stress that is killing your marriage. Lack of communication leads to failure almost every time. If financial stress is killing your marriage more communication is the answer, not less. So, one of the first things you should do is talk together about your goals and dreams. If you are not talking about your mutual goals and dreams together you are like two people rowing the same boat in opposite directions. A couple not in sync with their financial priorities is playing tug-of-war even if they don’t know it.
Discuss your goals and dreams together. What would you like your lives to look like in 5, 10, and 20 years? Dream together! Talk about it. Don’t worry at this point how you’ll achieve it. We’ll share that later in the post. For now, just dream together.
Agree on your goals and dreams together
Lack of direction for your financial life is a killer every time. Zig Zigler (author and speaker) often said, “aim at nothing and you’ll hit it every time.”
So, after you’ve discussed your goals and dreams seek agreement on your top priorities. Become a team that is determined to win. Post reminders of your goals on your bathroom mirror or on the fridge and talk about them together often. If your dream is to pay off your home in 5 years and cash flow college for your kids, that is great. Is your dream to be debt-free? That is awesome. Something else? That is okay too. The important thing is to agree together and talk about it often. Agree. Together.
Work together – Aim your money and your energy toward your mutual goals
Now it is time to get to work. Begin aiming your money and your energy toward your mutual goals by using a zero-based budget. Work together. When you have common, agreed-upon goals and dreams your everyday money decisions tend to wrap themselves around those goals and dreams.
An often unexpected benefit of couples who succeed in handling their money together is that the marriage is strengthened through trust and team accomplishment. When each person trusts the other with money, and each person can see the effects of their teamwork on their goals, a closeness develops that was not present previously. Trust me. It’s true.
2. Create a zero-based budget. Together!
Create a zero-based budget together
Without a zero-based budget your dollars are at high risk of being lost to poor decisions and regret leading to the kind of stress that kills a marriage. This is probably the reason you are reading this now. Creating a budget makes sure your money is aimed at your mutual goals and dreams. Creating a budget together keeps you aligned and in sync with each other on your priorities.
A zero-based budgeting approach is the best solution to help couples gain control over their spending habits and reach their mutual goals. This method requires every dollar earned or spent to be accounted for creating opportunities to reach your goals. Following a zero-based budget removes the unknowns and replaces them with knowns which helps reduce stress. Learn how to make a budget together here.
Follow the budget together
Following a zero-based budget together keeps you both on the same page and using the same information to make decisions about your future. For instance, if you are following a zero-based budget faithfully you will soon see if you are overspending on groceries or another category. A zero-based budget shines a light on your spending decisions and creates opportunities for you to make choices that align with your mutual goals and dreams.
Be accountable to the budget together
Each spouse must be a participant in the budgeting process and an active participant in sticking to the budget. Each should have their budgeting app on their phone and each should participate. The goal is to be equally accountable. There are several zero-based budgeting apps on the market such as Every Dollar from the Ramsey organization. However, the Monarch app offers less friction for couples to have equal access to the budget since it allows for separate logins for each spouse to the SAME budget. Each spouse can maintain their username and password, again to the SAME budget. Every Dollar requires spouses to share a single sign-in username which can lead to unnecessary difficulties when shared between spouses.
3. Operate from a single, shared joint checking account.
Transparency
Use the same checking account to pay your bills and live your daily life. Both of you should have access to the account and have full view of all transactions. Transparency leads to accountabilty. Accountability is a necessary part of the solution if financial stress is killing your marriage.
“Ours”, not “yours” or “mine”.
Healthy marriages share resources. Any view of “mine” or “yours” when it comes to money will lead to financial stress and can kill your marriage. This doesn’t mean that each of you can’t have your own spending money but only after you’ve first budgeted your resources toward your goals and dreams and an appropriate amount has been allocated to each of you as fun money. Just like all other financial resources in your marriage, it should be done in agreement together.
Equal Access
Share equal access to your joint bank account for transparency and accountability.
4. Say no to “financial infidelity”.
What is financial infidelity?
Financial Infidelity happens when a spouse lies to or hides from the other purchases, income, or transactions. In this blog post we have stressed the importance of working together on your budget and finances and establishing trust. Financial stress can kill your marriage if deceit and dishonesty are involved. Financial Infidelity is a breach of trust.
How to prevent financial infidelity
To prevent financial infidelity make sure that these things are occurring in your marriage.
- Discuss and talk together about your goals and dreams.
- Build monthly zero-based budgets together that aim your money and energy toward your goals and dreams.
- Stick to the budget together and be accountable to each other
- Operate out of a single joint checking account so that you maintain transparency and build trust.
- Never hide income or transactions from your spouse.
Is financial stress killing your marriage?
Financial stress in a marriage can be a killer. But with communication and teamwork you can turn things around. It is important that you take the time to discuss together your goals and priorities and agree on your future. Once you agree, you can begin to aim your money toward your goals using a zero-based budget. Along the way be sure to maintain transparency and honesty. To make this easier, use the same joint bank account and share the same budgeting app with equal access for you both.
To learn more about budgeting and how to handle money visit our post “how to make a budget and stick to it” here. Also, read about how successful married couples handle finances. Just married? Read budgeting for newlyweds here.
IMPORTANT: If one spouse is unwilling to participate in budgeting, transparency, and teamwork it is advised that you seek marital counseling from a qualified professional.
