Married couples depend on each other for all sorts of things throughout life. This is why trust is an indispensable ingredient that holds much of the marriage together. When couples trust that their spouse is going follow through on their commitments trust is developed. Without trust, the relationship is almost certainly going to fail.
But what happens when trust is broken in financial matters? Just like marital infidelity in marriage is an obvious breach of trust, financial infidelity is too. We usually think of infidelity in a marriage in the physical realm, however, it can, and does exist in the financial realm as well. Here are 5 financial infidelity examples that can erode trust and lead to big problems down the road and steps you can take to begin repairing any damage already done.
What is financial infidelity?
Financial Infidelity is the intentional deceiving of your spouse regarding financial matters where there is a formal or implied understanding of how those financial matters are to be handled. Simply put, financial infidelity is lying to your spouse about income, expenses, debt, purchases, investments, losses, or taxes.
5 Financial Infidelity Examples
1. Financial infidelity includes hiding purchases and receipts from your spouse
It can seem so small. A coffee from the coffee truck or a quick lunch out. But what if that coffee or lunch doesn’t fit within your agreed budget? What if it’s not just lunch, but something worth much more and you trash the receipt or hope your spouse doesn’t see it? Hiding expenses and receipts from your spouse is financial infidelity if those expenses exceed your budget or prior agreements. Whether you’ve agreed to a written budget each month or just have a spoken agreement, intentionally hiding this from your spouse is a problem.
2. Hiding or forging financial documents such as tax returns qualifies for financial infidelity.
This can often happen when one spouse handles the taxes and files without sharing all of the details. Evading your true income, expenses, or financial details and then forging documents is a breach of trust. Another example might be buying a car and lying about the cost, payment, or interest rate. Anything other than full transparency in your financial documents is a breeding ground for financial infidelity. Never sign your spouse’s name on any document. Honesty now is better than the fallout later. Period!
3. Opening secret bank accounts or investment accounts
Hiding bank or investment accounts from a spouse is financial infidelity. Moving funds into “safe harbors” to shield them from your spouse is financial infidelity. This can happen with partners entering their second marriage when some assets are already accumulated in their lives. But hiding or failing to disclose your assets in full is financial infidelity. Your spouse assumes transparency in your relationship in all areas including money. Anything less is financial infidelity.
4. Hiding income or assets from your spouse is financial infidelity.
Shielding income from investments, alimony, side hustles or perhaps gambling winnings is financial infidelity. Once again, your spouse expects and deserves full knowledge of marital resources. You would expect the same.
5. Hiding debt, credit cards, or gambling losses from your spouse
This can often happen when a spouse loses money to an addiction such as gambling or drugs. Hiding these things is considered financial infidelity. Successful married couples handle their money together with full transparency.
What should I do if I’ve been financially dishonest with my spouse?
If you’ve committed financial infidelity against your spouse gather ALL examples and instances and confess them in full as soon as possible. Don’t hold back. If you do and other instances are revealed your spouse will continue, with good reason, to wonder if there is more. The best course of action if you’ve been financially dishonest with your spouse is to get it out into the open. Then set up safeguards to protect against future problems such as:
- Operate all of your daily income and expenses out of a single shared checking account to ensure transparency. Equal access to the account for both spouses.
- Use a zero-based budget planner such as Monarch Money or Every Dollar with equal and full access for each spouse so that all financial transactions are visible.
- Budget your income every month, before the month begins, and assign each dollar of income to a specific place. Then use your budgeting tool to track your progress and hold each other accountable.
Summary of our 5 Examples of Financial Infidelity
Financial infidelity is every bit as damaging as other forms of dishonesty in your marriage. Even small examples of financial infidelity can trigger much larger problems when discovered. The best defense against encountering these problems in your marriage is to use tools that promote transparency such as a single shared checking account and a budgeting tool that tracks all income and all expenses.
Lying to your spouse about income, assets, or expenses (no matter how small) is considered financial infidelity. Our 5 examples of financial infidelity are not exhaustive but is meant to give you a glimpse into just some of the places where problems can appear.
Married couples who are successful with money maintain transparency and communicate each month about their goals and priorities. Then, they aim their money and their choices at those goals. When they do, great things can happen.